My work out regiment for spring break. Featuring Kenny Powers.

Since the new year has come and past there has been a large influx of people attending the gym across the nation. Some of these are the post Christmas burning off the calories, some it's their New Years resolution, and other want the "Beach Body" in anticipation of going somewhere warm for spring break. But lets be honest, we all have these great aspirations go do healthy things in our lives and more often than not we lose motivation. Some have turned to p90x in hopes of becoming fit, only to have their self esteem, confidence and physical well-being destroyed by the man known as Tony Horton.

I on the other hand don't go to the gym because I increased my caloric uptake over break, or because it was my New Years resolution (Mine was to be more respectful of others and nicer to them), or because I am going on spring break down off the coast of Texas..I do it because I want to be fit and not end up like this guy and not be beaten by my wife when she comes home from work..

<== This is what i'm aiming for!

Damn i'm going to be jacked and a handsome dude. 

I have taken it upon myself to seek a world class athlete to serve as my own personal trainer, the same man who looked Jeremy Shockey in the eye and said, "How does it feel to fail?"


This is the kind of swagger and confidence that I need instilled within me to keep to my workout program. And you know what, Im so serious about this that i might go buy me some "tubes"..NO LIE. Kenny Powers told me that if I buy the tubes I will be able to work secret muscles that I never knew I had.

Well, I knew I had them because I majored in Pre-med my first 2 years of college and took an anatomy class, but try explaining to Kenny Powers that you know something that he thinks is a secret. Kenny Powers even defies the rules of gravity. All attributed to the "tubes". Maybe I dont even need Kenny Powers. Only need the tubes. Although, I wouldnt mind hanging out with Kenny Powers while wearing the tubes and working on my fitness.

I have just shown 4 videos. Four convincing videos of why I have chosen this guy to be my personal trainer. Reasons being: 1. Talks shit to Shockey, no easy task. 2. World jumping record. 3. More confidence and arrogance than the time Kanye went up on stage and embarrassed Taylor Swift. 4. One funny ass mother fucker.


Maybe those weren't the best reasons, but, "All the training in the world doesn't matter if youre doing it like an asshole." And there is some truth to that. In sports everyone says, "practice how you play." In a job setting or while doing chores, "Do it right, or dont do it at all." Normally with that second argument most would think "okay im not gonna do it at all" But we all know in a job setting we would get fired, or with chores pops would give you a swift kick in the ass or something. Both are equally unpleasant. But this next video will definitely get you pumped and ready to work out. Very inspirational.


So here is the plan. Monday, Wednesday, Friday on the first and third week of the month. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday every second and fourth week of the month.  We're not gonna do any "school girl" shit. Straight pumping iron. Getting fit. Getting my swell on while im at the gym. Maybe a little cardio...not treadmill sissy stuff, sprints and quickness drills. Im not trying to run a marathon.
This here is a no no:


Here are the goals in mind: Nice to children (need to maintain the New Years resolution) mean to the weight room. Fast as a cheetah, hits like a pissed off rhino. Then cap it off with some sparring so I can defend myself in real life situations with not just words but my fists of fury.

My New Years Endeavors In Boston Recapped.

Its been a while since I last wrote a blog, so first and foremost Happy New Year!!! And---Happy Birthday to me!!! Also, Congrats to my friend Hood-Rat for not getting arrested last night...Just remember that golden rule, Duck Fly Together



Only because no one else will sing to me. Whatever.


I spent last night in Boston... to say the least I'm glad I got all my bad decisions out last night and can start anew this year..perfect timing. Here is the recap of my night.
Arrive in Boston at 430-5ish and go visit my friends dad for a little bit. From there (Beth Israel Hospital) we decided it would not be a bad idea to walk to the hotel (poor life decision 1) which was on the other end of Tremont ST. The numbers started at 1900 and we walked to 247. What we have in the making here is a Canterbury Tale. Get to the hotel at about 615, I vastly under estimated that complexity and length of time it would take me to traverse the rugged terrain of Boston.
So I meet up with couple more friends to go meet another friend..Here I'm thinking we are gonna go hang out with this person (poor life decision 2), however that was not the case fore we simply walked about 3 miles or more simply to just say hello and I smiled and watched as they had 1 cigarette. Get back to the hotel at about 730ish.
View from the room--

Okay boring stuff is done and out of the way...I swear this gets better. Now, we are questioning whether or not the open bar will have enough liquor and beer to last the night, so we decide just to be safe to go find a liquor store. However, we were unaware the closest one was over a mile away (poor life decision 3--We are striking out at this point). Being the smart college degree adults we are we think we can simply walk into our hotel holding a brown paper bag, which is not the case (dumb decision 4). So we walk around the corner and are standing in a playground pouring our liquor into smaller bottles to smuggle in. At this point I feel like I'm in high school again.

Fast forward an hour or so, we arrive at the venue which was an old church converted into a ballroom or something. I wish I took a picture. However, I did take notes on my phone so I wouldnt forget anything. Walking in its your typical church and what not, the main room obviously had all the pews removed. There was a stage with a black cover band playing a lot of Michael Jackson. In my opinion there is not better way to start a party than with some Michael Jackson.

Here are my notes word for word, spelling mistakes included: Church, girl in tutu, black band playing michael jackson, pews, lots of jeans and suit jackets and girls w sequins, big screen on ceilling...walking forever to get booze and cant bring it in, walking 15 miles in 3 hours, putting alcohol in sprite (I guess this has nothing to do with the church and me being there, but it was so i didnt forget).

So Ive covered that we were in a church, drinking and such...seems like an oxymoron or something to be drinking and such in a church.  So inside the ballroom area or w.e you want to call it there were stairs leading upto where the organ used to be, but along the sides surrounding the room there were still pews to sit and hang. I thought that was interesting.

So while I was upstairs creeping on the crowd i noticed a girl wearing a tutu like dress. Im wondering whether she just escaped the mental ward or she is way above the fashion curve. In all fairness, she was not far from looking like Jim Carey in the mental ward scene from Ace Ventura. Conversely there was not a whole lot of diversity amongst the male population in terms of attire. There was not a whole lot more going on other than Jeans-Suit jacket, or classic Jeans-Button down shirt. Im glad i broke from the crowd and wore a button down with a sweater over it. There were very few of us rocking that look.



Okay, touched on the band, but above the band was a projection of some screen, and it was an interesting idea to put the picture on the ceiling...who looks at the ceiling when youre trying to party..I suppose the only time you would stop and look would be if 1. youre bored or anti-social 2. nervous because you lack social skills 3. fell on your ass while on the dance floor.

So at some point in the night I met a female on the dance floor. One thing led to another and plain and simple I got cougar'd. Yep, it happened. I was seduced by a 32 (exact age I dont remember, but she was 30+) year old woman. Luckily for my Ducks Stick Together and it didnt go any further than kissing.



In summation: I walked 15 or so miles, got cougar'd, ate amazing chinese food, re-enacted The Canterbury tale with a real life excursion  and Had a Great New Years/ Birthday Celebration.

To the friends we have, and the friends we will never forget.
DEUCES