Sunday, November 28, 2010

A couple of funny videos!



35 bad jokes that I actually use.

These are in no particular order...just a short list of 35 shitty jokes of mine.

1.) Why do cows have bells?
-Because their horns are broke.
2.) If a woman with big boobs works at hooters, where does a woman with one leg work?
- I Hop
3.) How did the burger king impregnate the dairy queen?
- He forgot to wrap his whopper.
4.) What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
-Nothing, they just waved.
5.) What do you call a cow with no legs?
-Ground beef
6. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
- No idea(r)
7.) How did the war General get his tank into his house?
- It was a fish tank.
8.) A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey."
-The horse says "Sure."
9.) How do you get holy water?
-Boil the hell out of it.
10.) Why was the blonde's belly button bruised?
- Apparently blonde guys are that dumb too.
11.) What do prisoners use to call each other?
-Cell phones.
12.) What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
-Nacho Cheese.
13.) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
-A nervous wreck.
14.) Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
-Because they have big fingers.
15.) Why is 6 afraid of 7?
-Because 7- 8(ate)-9.
16.) Why do midgets giggle while they run?
- Because the grass tickles their nuts.
17.) Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?
-Because he was shellfish
18.) What kind of dinosaur runs down the street destroying everything in its path?
- Tyranosaurus Rex!
19.) Hear about the two peanuts that walked through central park?
-One was a-salted.
20.) Why did the dolphin kill himself?
-He had no porpoise in his life!
21.) What do you call a bee that produces milk?
-Boobee
22.) What did one cow say to the other cow?
-Do you want to see a moooooooooovie?
23.) Why do bananas wear suntan lotion?
-So they won't peel.
24.) What do you call a fake noodle?
- An impasta!
25.) Two muffins are in an oven and the first muffin goes, "wow, it's hot in here." The other goes, "AH! A talking muffin!"
26.) What do chromosomes wear?
- Genes
27.) What kind of pants does mario wear?
- denim-denim-denim
-Got this one from my brother.
28.) What do you call and empty can of cheese whiz?
-Cheese whuz.
29.) What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
-A dic-tater.
30.) Where would you learn how to make ice cream?
-At Sundae school.
31.)What is 6 inches long, has a big head, and drives women wild?
-A hundred dollar bill!
32.)What do you give injured lemons?
-Lemonade!
33.)Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel?
-She was trying to blow her horn.
34.) What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal when they were eating a clown?
-Does this taste funny to you?
35.) What did Shakespeare say while he was shopping for toilet paper?
-2-Ply or not 2-Ply? That is the question.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The good and the bad of George Bush's presidency

George Bush may not have been the smartest president, the most eloquent president, or even the most popular..But damn did he try to please the public!



We need more presidents like him. Think outside the box and prepare for the impossible. "Zombie attack?"...BOOM!! (onomatopia in a blog..who would have thought), "we got 50 Billion dollars set aside! No problem. Aliens are invading..dont worry, I got that covered too..here is your aluminum helmet so they cant read your mind.. A giant tsunami is coming?...Who the fuck do you think I am.. Moses?"
Im not even sure Bush is aware who Moses is or what he did...but who cares.

- On a side note i heard this clip on Howard Stern with George Bush and some chick..and he was talking about how he liked to drink and read a lot of history while he was in office..I gotta find that. If anyone has it, plz send it to me.

While we are on the topic of zombies I think it is worth noting that zombies like turtles



Lastly, a question of the zombie fanatics...If they are actually dead, how can they move..They should be stiff from postmortem. And why do they need to eat anything..They are dead. Lastly, if they are dead..how do they make noises?? They dont have a need to breathe or respire..

Perhaps we need to redefine what a zombie is... Something like "A living, walking, groaning, brain eating - dead organism.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Men are pathetic

Before you start yelling about me because of the implications of the title, let me explain. The title is a gross generalization, but you will understand soon enough who I am calling out because it is most likely not you.

MFC is a webcam-site that ushers in the new frontier of porn by offering a live feed of different models to its viewers. Despite this being labeled as a XXX or X-Rated site, the models are free to do whatever they wish in their respective rooms whether it be just to chat with anyone who comes into the room to performing sexual acts. What they do is completely up to them.
Onto the onslaught: I was gonna actually elaborate more at this time..but just watch the video.




I find it DISTURBING that there actually exists people so narrow minded or stupid as the male figure depicted in the video. YES PEOPLE LIKE HIM ACTUALLY EXIST. I find it hard to believe too. I often wonder if the lesbian rate is climbing because of guy like this. It would be a good hypothesis to test.
My biggest quarrel with this video and the truth behind it is that there is a price on the female body. X number of tokens (which translates into money through the site) is worth some sort of act. I like that in the video the woman, because she received a "tip" does not feel compelled to fulfill the guys request for a "flash"

There is so much to be said about this video...But I wanna hear what you guys think. Leave some comments and I will answer them.