35 bad jokes that I actually use.

These are in no particular order...just a short list of 35 shitty jokes of mine.

1.) Why do cows have bells?
-Because their horns are broke.
2.) If a woman with big boobs works at hooters, where does a woman with one leg work?
- I Hop
3.) How did the burger king impregnate the dairy queen?
- He forgot to wrap his whopper.
4.) What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
-Nothing, they just waved.
5.) What do you call a cow with no legs?
-Ground beef
6. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
- No idea(r)
7.) How did the war General get his tank into his house?
- It was a fish tank.
8.) A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey."
-The horse says "Sure."
9.) How do you get holy water?
-Boil the hell out of it.
10.) Why was the blonde's belly button bruised?
- Apparently blonde guys are that dumb too.
11.) What do prisoners use to call each other?
-Cell phones.
12.) What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
-Nacho Cheese.
13.) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
-A nervous wreck.
14.) Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
-Because they have big fingers.
15.) Why is 6 afraid of 7?
-Because 7- 8(ate)-9.
16.) Why do midgets giggle while they run?
- Because the grass tickles their nuts.
17.) Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?
-Because he was shellfish
18.) What kind of dinosaur runs down the street destroying everything in its path?
- Tyranosaurus Rex!
19.) Hear about the two peanuts that walked through central park?
-One was a-salted.
20.) Why did the dolphin kill himself?
-He had no porpoise in his life!
21.) What do you call a bee that produces milk?
-Boobee
22.) What did one cow say to the other cow?
-Do you want to see a moooooooooovie?
23.) Why do bananas wear suntan lotion?
-So they won't peel.
24.) What do you call a fake noodle?
- An impasta!
25.) Two muffins are in an oven and the first muffin goes, "wow, it's hot in here." The other goes, "AH! A talking muffin!"
26.) What do chromosomes wear?
- Genes
27.) What kind of pants does mario wear?
- denim-denim-denim
-Got this one from my brother.
28.) What do you call and empty can of cheese whiz?
-Cheese whuz.
29.) What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
-A dic-tater.
30.) Where would you learn how to make ice cream?
-At Sundae school.
31.)What is 6 inches long, has a big head, and drives women wild?
-A hundred dollar bill!
32.)What do you give injured lemons?
-Lemonade!
33.)Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel?
-She was trying to blow her horn.
34.) What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal when they were eating a clown?
-Does this taste funny to you?
35.) What did Shakespeare say while he was shopping for toilet paper?
-2-Ply or not 2-Ply? That is the question.